Hello, and welcome to the page of the website where I am
supposed to be serious to business organisations and charities.
Thankfully, that doesn't happen here, but this first section applies to both business and
charities. As a children's entertainer, I have a large act with thousands of hours
experience at my disposal for keeping large and small crowds of all ages entertained. I
also have a few items with my business that get used regularly individually that when
combined are ideal for all day entertainment and can also be used for fund raising
events too. I have already completed dozens of charity and corporate events, evidence
of some you will find on this page. All the items available are fully insured, along with
myself, for public liability insurance and all have relevant safety certificates and tests
where needed to validate extra insurance policies. I too have to complete all of the
diligent tasks like risk assessments like you or your organisation have to, but I do them
in a clown outfit on my laptop, drunk, whilst sitting on a trailer hitched to the back of a
stolen uninsured police car which is being driven by a blindfolded circus midget friend
of mine round Cheddar Gorge at high speed. Let's review what you can have to upset
everybody at your wonderful event...
Entertainer characters ideal for all ages, except for moody
teenagers and cantankerous pensioners, meet Allen Key.
Welcome to my range of characters, which should be more, but I'm chronically lazy and
haven't got round to creating more because I'm addicted to Facebook. All of these
characters are perfect for static performances, spacewalks, walkabouts or whatever
else you had in mind. You could have Allen Key, Tommy Tickle's agent.
Allen is the owner of Allen Key Entertainments, "Where We Put All Of The Parts Of
Your Entertainment Package Together For You." Strong on health and safety, this
myopic northerner can somehow keep people entertained even though he has no
personality, humour, cash or interesting facets of his own.. He proudly wears the
mantle "The World's Most Sensible Children's Entertainer". Although very informal,
through a combined hatred of Paul Simon and heavy drinkers, you can't call him "Al."
The most unusual party I have attended to with him was a divorce celebration.
Everybody's favourite loser clown, Tommy Tickle.
Don't ask me why Tickle is so popular. Gruff and moody, this South Londoner
(apparently "it's where the best idiots come from") is unable to do any magic tricks of
note and produces the same old balloons every time to an ever-more depressed
audience. Maybe it's because he uses good old fashioned parenting techniques on the
children like he does on his own unlucky offspring; bribery, desperation and if that
fails, he cries, lies about how bad his life is or does anything else to get sympathy from
a crowd baying for blood (source- crime scene examiner John Stalker, Westerham
Womens Institute Whist Drive Riots, July 1996). Puppets, fun, games, charging more for
turning up sober, there's nothing this loveable rogue do if it involves kickbacks in
brown envelopes or payment through tax avoidance schemes through the Caymen
Islands. Maybe even Nectar Points might wake him up.
Always a plain clothes start so as not to cause years of therapy for younger
audiences, after the audience have drawn the clown face on him and are then tired out
by frenetic games led by a medically obese brainless eedjit, only then will security be
able to remove him from your special day where you lose all of your clients or patrons
in one fell swoop. When alone, there's nothing Tommy likes to do than shrink coconuts
in a pressure cooker so they can be displayed in egg cups; a hang-up from his military
days, perhaps?
Unbelievably, we have more fatheads on offer...this time, say hello
to that kid you probably picked on at school, DJ Bubblewrap.
Originally working in a Princes' Anchovy tinning and packing factory for 18 years, Lee
Voff finally got enough practice of "Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box" to start part-
time DJ ing. After a long pilgrimage from Penge to the legendary lost Fairfield Halls in
Croydon, he trained for an afternoon under the expert tutelage of the legendary Tone
Loc. After passing the course with flying colours and a natural aptitude for putting
beats together, he was bestowed the name Tone Def, but had to change it due to legal
reasons. After another stint in a suitcase nesting warehouse for a temp agency, DJ
Bubblewrap was finally born.
Parents cannot believe that their children can dance to Bauhaus, Pat Boone,
Dexy's, Lady Gaga, Radiohead's opaque tracks on CD2 in those overpriced packs, or
just playing Radio 2 through his up-to-date North Korean mobile disco technology from
the 1950's. Games and fun are brought to life with the expert stewardship of the DJ,
whose influences are The Hairy Cornflake, Tony Blackburn, Thinman Fat, Graham
Dene, James Whale and of course, children's favourites Howard Stern and Keith Flint.
PRS is catered for, and all of the electric certificates for the bubble machine and lights
and everything else for the show are current; unlike Bubblewrap. You can choose your
music you wish to play through Bubblewrap too, to make your event how you want it.
Now let's get on with the hardware that can be provided.
Here is one of my bouncy castles, a compact little affair that is ideal when space is
tight. When a charity books me, you can charge for this to raise funds. It can be
provided pre-manned, or you can supply someone to save on cost. It's all weather, and
I have a special clause in my insurance which means in can in licenced areas or
Temporary Event Notices shindigs. Stunningly painted by an eastern European who
worked on one of those cheap Tom & Jerry cartoons in the late '60's, it thankfully is
strong enough to handle adults bouncing due to the blower which is 5 times more
powerful than it needs to be. It has a PIPA certificate along with it's insurance, which is
the equivalent of the bouncy castle MOT
supposed to be serious to business organisations and charities.
Thankfully, that doesn't happen here, but this first section applies to both business and
charities. As a children's entertainer, I have a large act with thousands of hours
experience at my disposal for keeping large and small crowds of all ages entertained. I
also have a few items with my business that get used regularly individually that when
combined are ideal for all day entertainment and can also be used for fund raising
events too. I have already completed dozens of charity and corporate events, evidence
of some you will find on this page. All the items available are fully insured, along with
myself, for public liability insurance and all have relevant safety certificates and tests
where needed to validate extra insurance policies. I too have to complete all of the
diligent tasks like risk assessments like you or your organisation have to, but I do them
in a clown outfit on my laptop, drunk, whilst sitting on a trailer hitched to the back of a
stolen uninsured police car which is being driven by a blindfolded circus midget friend
of mine round Cheddar Gorge at high speed. Let's review what you can have to upset
everybody at your wonderful event...
Entertainer characters ideal for all ages, except for moody
teenagers and cantankerous pensioners, meet Allen Key.
Welcome to my range of characters, which should be more, but I'm chronically lazy and
haven't got round to creating more because I'm addicted to Facebook. All of these
characters are perfect for static performances, spacewalks, walkabouts or whatever
else you had in mind. You could have Allen Key, Tommy Tickle's agent.
Allen is the owner of Allen Key Entertainments, "Where We Put All Of The Parts Of
Your Entertainment Package Together For You." Strong on health and safety, this
myopic northerner can somehow keep people entertained even though he has no
personality, humour, cash or interesting facets of his own.. He proudly wears the
mantle "The World's Most Sensible Children's Entertainer". Although very informal,
through a combined hatred of Paul Simon and heavy drinkers, you can't call him "Al."
The most unusual party I have attended to with him was a divorce celebration.
Everybody's favourite loser clown, Tommy Tickle.
Don't ask me why Tickle is so popular. Gruff and moody, this South Londoner
(apparently "it's where the best idiots come from") is unable to do any magic tricks of
note and produces the same old balloons every time to an ever-more depressed
audience. Maybe it's because he uses good old fashioned parenting techniques on the
children like he does on his own unlucky offspring; bribery, desperation and if that
fails, he cries, lies about how bad his life is or does anything else to get sympathy from
a crowd baying for blood (source- crime scene examiner John Stalker, Westerham
Womens Institute Whist Drive Riots, July 1996). Puppets, fun, games, charging more for
turning up sober, there's nothing this loveable rogue do if it involves kickbacks in
brown envelopes or payment through tax avoidance schemes through the Caymen
Islands. Maybe even Nectar Points might wake him up.
Always a plain clothes start so as not to cause years of therapy for younger
audiences, after the audience have drawn the clown face on him and are then tired out
by frenetic games led by a medically obese brainless eedjit, only then will security be
able to remove him from your special day where you lose all of your clients or patrons
in one fell swoop. When alone, there's nothing Tommy likes to do than shrink coconuts
in a pressure cooker so they can be displayed in egg cups; a hang-up from his military
days, perhaps?
Unbelievably, we have more fatheads on offer...this time, say hello
to that kid you probably picked on at school, DJ Bubblewrap.
Originally working in a Princes' Anchovy tinning and packing factory for 18 years, Lee
Voff finally got enough practice of "Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box" to start part-
time DJ ing. After a long pilgrimage from Penge to the legendary lost Fairfield Halls in
Croydon, he trained for an afternoon under the expert tutelage of the legendary Tone
Loc. After passing the course with flying colours and a natural aptitude for putting
beats together, he was bestowed the name Tone Def, but had to change it due to legal
reasons. After another stint in a suitcase nesting warehouse for a temp agency, DJ
Bubblewrap was finally born.
Parents cannot believe that their children can dance to Bauhaus, Pat Boone,
Dexy's, Lady Gaga, Radiohead's opaque tracks on CD2 in those overpriced packs, or
just playing Radio 2 through his up-to-date North Korean mobile disco technology from
the 1950's. Games and fun are brought to life with the expert stewardship of the DJ,
whose influences are The Hairy Cornflake, Tony Blackburn, Thinman Fat, Graham
Dene, James Whale and of course, children's favourites Howard Stern and Keith Flint.
PRS is catered for, and all of the electric certificates for the bubble machine and lights
and everything else for the show are current; unlike Bubblewrap. You can choose your
music you wish to play through Bubblewrap too, to make your event how you want it.
Now let's get on with the hardware that can be provided.
Here is one of my bouncy castles, a compact little affair that is ideal when space is
tight. When a charity books me, you can charge for this to raise funds. It can be
provided pre-manned, or you can supply someone to save on cost. It's all weather, and
I have a special clause in my insurance which means in can in licenced areas or
Temporary Event Notices shindigs. Stunningly painted by an eastern European who
worked on one of those cheap Tom & Jerry cartoons in the late '60's, it thankfully is
strong enough to handle adults bouncing due to the blower which is 5 times more
powerful than it needs to be. It has a PIPA certificate along with it's insurance, which is
the equivalent of the bouncy castle MOT
Allen Key halfway through a four hour consultancy
explaining to concerned children the dangers of not
having a cord pull light switch near a sink.
explaining to concerned children the dangers of not
having a cord pull light switch near a sink.
When Women's Institute Whist Drives Go Bad.
Overused familiar scenes of carnage at Westerham
in Kent in 1996, where 1000's of crazed ladies over
the age of 50 rioted outside the Co-Op after
Tommy Tickle upsets them by his "I'm not fussed
over Radio 4 changing the start time of The
Archers routine." The ASBO's now bestowed upon
me prohibit that act being used ever again, sadly.
Overused familiar scenes of carnage at Westerham
in Kent in 1996, where 1000's of crazed ladies over
the age of 50 rioted outside the Co-Op after
Tommy Tickle upsets them by his "I'm not fussed
over Radio 4 changing the start time of The
Archers routine." The ASBO's now bestowed upon
me prohibit that act being used ever again, sadly.
Do you have a massive event coming up and you
want to keep expected high volume crowds at a
near level of nirvana? Well, if you can't afford to
use a regular flow of nitrous oxide in the open air as
I would recommend, get us in on the act!
want to keep expected high volume crowds at a
near level of nirvana? Well, if you can't afford to
use a regular flow of nitrous oxide in the open air as
I would recommend, get us in on the act!
Tommy Tickle breaks down as the realisation
dawns that the last can of out of date fizzy green
drink "Quattro" has been drunk by Judith Chalmers.
dawns that the last can of out of date fizzy green
drink "Quattro" has been drunk by Judith Chalmers.
DJ Bubblewrap seen here working for the London
charity Busted Stretchius Armstongosis, for these
children here who have been severely afflicted by
stretching too hard and whose bodies refuse to go
back to normal dimensions. Two weeks later a cure
was found when one child fell asleep on a radiator
for an afternoon.
charity Busted Stretchius Armstongosis, for these
children here who have been severely afflicted by
stretching too hard and whose bodies refuse to go
back to normal dimensions. Two weeks later a cure
was found when one child fell asleep on a radiator
for an afternoon.
